Life & Such
by sienna27
Summary: Universe A: Story 3 of 3 -- Continuation of Hotch & Emily's lives post The Hours. For now this will be an ongoing series of one shots.
1. Family, Redefined

**Author's Note:**

I had the idea for the title of this story as a way to continue their world post The Hours, but I had absolutely no intention of actually writing anything for it now. Unfortunately though, this came to me and I had to get it out of my head because it was distracting me from working on season three stuff. And you'll see, this is not an idea I could work anywhere into the prequel.

This is completely unbeta'd because I already have Arcadya loaded down with chapters right now and didn't want to throw anything else at her. So, surprise Arc!

*******************************************

_Late August 2009_

**Family, Redefined**

Hotch reached up and pulled Emily down into his lap, tucking her head under his chin.

"I'm sorry sweetheart."

Sniffling Emily turned her face into his neck, "me too."

As upset as he was personally about this setback, seeing her cry made it even worse. Rubbing her back, he looked down at her sadly, "please don't let it get you too down Emily. Remember, we weren't even trying."

Emily picked up his other hand and started playing with his fingers, "I know. I just got excited," she sighed, "which I shouldn't have because then I wouldn't be so disappointed right now." She sat back wiping her face, "it's probably for the best anyway. I mean we haven't even set a date yet and . . ." she gave him an ironic smile, "it has been kind of a full year already." Hotch's eyes crinkled as he gently wiped away another tear that had slipped down her cheek, "that's my girl. Always the queen of the understatement." Emily gave him a watery smile as she leaned up to brush her lips against his before she rested her head against his chest, "I love you."

Hotch wrapped his arms tightly around her and kissed the top of her head, "I love you too, and when it's time, it'll happen," he squeezed her, "right?" She huffed against his t-shirt, "right." Leaning back, her mouth twitched as she looked into his eyes, "after all you have just decreed it."

Quirking his lip up, he gave her one dimple, "I have indeed." She never could resist the dimples, even before they got together, so she gave him a full grin in return as she stood, pulling him up off the tub with her, "come on your highness, we'll be late for work." Eyes crinkling Hotch started to follow her to the door, then he stopped and squeezed her hand.

"You know what? If you want to go start the coffee, I'll get my shower out of the way now and then I'll make you breakfast," he smiled, "Grandma Charlotte's pancakes."

Emily turned back to look at him, he always made special pancakes when he wanted to cheer her up. It was a good thing her eyes were already red rimmed because she could feel them starting to burn again. She stood on her tiptoes so she could give him a thank you kiss, sliding her tongue past his lips and moaning slightly when he responded by running his tongue over the ridge of her mouth. Grinning she pulled back, "we don't have time for that and pancakes." His lip quirked up, "and I guess you're choosing pancakes."

Her eyes sparkled as she smiled sweetly at him, "I am choosing pancakes, but we can finish this discussion tonight." With one more quick peck on the lips she started to walk away and then turned back at the bedroom door with her eyebrow raised suspiciously, "you had better not be planning on using all the hot water."

Folding his arms in front of his chest, Hotch scoffed, "please, like I'd make my girl take a cold shower."

Rolling her eyes Emily responded in the same tone, "yeah, well SOMEBODY used all the hot water, because last week when I got out of the shower '_your_ _girls_' were so cold they were standing at attention."

On that parting note Emily exited the room. Hotch's lips twitched as he called after her, "and here I'd thought you were just happy to see me!"

He heard Emily's bark of laughter as she headed down the hall. Hotch smiled but then sobered quickly as he stood staring for a moment at the empty doorway. Then he turned and went back into the bathroom, going over to take the bag out of the trash barrel. He took one last look at the white stick with the single solid black line on it before sighing and tying off the ends of the garbage. He put the bag over by his night table; he was planning to dump it in the trash chute while she was in the shower. But he wanted both the stick and the box out of sight before she came back upstairs. Seeing them in the bathroom would have just made her sad again. She'd only been a few days late but she'd been so convinced she was pregnant, that God was making up for all the crap he put her through earlier this year.

Hotch shook his head, if life had taught him anything it was that there wasn't any cosmic balance to the scales. He was just grateful she was well, and the baby, well, that would hopefully come along in time. He wanted one as much as she did, but for now, he had her, and he had Jack, and he was happy. He knew she was too, she'd just gotten excited that they would be expanding their family a little earlier than they'd planned. But she'd be okay. They'd certainly dealt with worse news this year.

Walking over to the dresser he looked down at the picture of him, Jack and Emily on Jack's first day of pre-school. Haley had taken it. Hotch and Emily had met her there so all three of them could drop Jack off. Jack didn't cry, but both Emily and Haley did as soon as they saw him standing there with his lunchbox. He'd looked at them, Hotch knew he loved one almost as much as the other, and then went over and wrapped his arms around first his mother's leg, and then Emily's. Then he'd stepped back and smiled, even giving them the Hotchner dimples, telling them not to be sad because he was going to have fun. And of course him being so grown up and mature, he was going to be five soon, made them cry even harder, and Jack had turned back to Hotch confused, "daddy make them stop." Hotch told him if he'd had that magic wand he would have marketed it years ago. But fortunately that exchange was enough to make the women start laughing, and Hotch quickly took advantage of the change in spirits by having Jack take a picture with first Haley, and then with Emily. They were always respectful that though Emily was for all intents his stepmother, Haley would always be his mother. Then Haley kindly offered to take a picture of Emily and Hotch with Jack. After that they brought Jack to his homeroom, and as soon as the women saw the little desks, Hotch had to put a hand on each of their backs to get them out of there before they got a whole room full of four year olds bawling.

Afterwards all three of them had gone for coffee. It was actually a good bonding experience as Hotch watched the only two women he had ever loved trade pictures out of their wallets of the same little boy. Hotch stared now at the photo on the dresser, remembering that day, and he felt his own melancholy about this morning dissipating. Families were funny things, you could try and plan them, but sometimes if you were lucky, they just fell together on their own.

He went back into the bathroom and started the shower, letting the water get hot as he slipped off his t-shirt and boxers and tossed them into the hamper. As he stepped into the tub and the spray hit his face Hotch decided to call Haley when he got to the office. After work he and Emily could pick up Jack and take him to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner. Hotch's eyes crinkled as he picked up the shampoo.

'That would make Emily happy.'

*******************************************

_A/N 2: Please don't expect updates to this part of their world with any regularity. I need to focus on the prequel but this will be sitting here as an ongoing repository for any random ideas that strike me and refuse to leave. Usually I'm forcing those ideas into something I can use in the AU portion of the story, but obviously this was not something I could do there. I am not planning a fertility or pregnancy angle at this time. I actually don't have any overall arc planned for it, it's just as the title says, life stuff or maybe post eps or something now that they're back at work. Who knows! It was nice though to write them again in full couplehood. Which is why I need to stay away from this story, it's too addictive!_


	2. Labors of Love

**Author's Note:** I know, I said I wouldn't be back here soon, but best intentions and all that crap. But I blame last night's episode because what we learned about Emily fell in line so well with the chapter I had coincidentally written a few days ago. I had no idea that was going to be the big piece of her back story. But once I saw it, the muse insisted on running with it.

Also, I didn't want our first foray back into this stage of their lives to be hanging there on a depressing note, so this one, general topic of their discussion, notwithstanding, is much lighter.

And fair warning, and please do heed if this is an issue for you, the sex in here is a bit more explicit than what was in The Hours. It's not graphically smutty, but usually we'd hit on them a few minutes before, or a few minutes after, this is closer to the 'in between'. I didn't really think it warranted a bump in rating because it's already Teen, and I find it unlikely there are any teenagers out there who aren't aware of the mechanics of the process :)

**Lastly SPOILER warning for Demonology!** If you haven't seen it, just FYI I make reference to something in Emily's past. If you don't want to know about it before you see the ep, please don't read.

**Companion:** Chp. 1 "Family, Redefined." It picks up that same night.

*******************************************

_Late August 2009_

**Labors of Love**

Pulling Emily out of the wet spot on the sheet, Hotch rolled over once, and then again so he could stay on top of her. He was careful to shift his weight so he wouldn't crush her but, he'd discovered a few months ago that when he had his body sheltering hers, it was one of the few times he could really relax, knowing she couldn't be any safer or more protected. The fact that he easily could have lost her to cancer earlier in the year, coupled with the hazards of their job since she'd been back full time, had resulted in him starting to obsess about her safety more than he would ever let on to her. He knew if he didn't find a way to start dealing with this problem it would begin affecting his work. Their work. But he hadn't quite figured out what to do yet, so in the meantime, given the inherent impracticality of keeping her tethered to him like a baby kangaroo, he tended to take advantage of these few minutes of peace of mind when he had the chance. He gently dropped kisses down her neck before resting his head on her breast and closing his eyes. Soon enough it would be morning and he'd have to let her go off in the world again.

Emily sighed with contentment. She had tried to shake off her earlier melancholy if for no other reason than to keep Hotch from worrying about her, but unfortunately it had still persisted for most of the day. That was until he surprised her on the way home when he stopped to pick up Jack. They went to Chuck E Cheese and Jack played in that completely unsanitary ball pit that he loved so much, and by the time they left she was in genuinely good spirits. Hotch had helped to remind her that she was happy now, even without a baby. She had a wonderful family and she didn't want to become one of those people that took their blessings for granted. After dinner they had dropped Jack off with Haley, and come home to make love, as she had promised that morning when she chose pancakes over a quickie. So now she was content and sated, and trying to look at her situation with a more clinical eye. Though, of course it wasn't a topic she could truly divorce her emotions from. Therefore she was grateful that Hotch was still inside of her, because given what she was about to say, she was taking special comfort from the fact that he couldn't be any closer to her right then.

Running her fingers through his hair she whispered, "Aaron, what if I can't have children? What if there was . . . damage?"

Hotch opened his eyes. Months ago she'd told him about the abortion she'd had when she was a teenager. And though he hadn't said anything to her, and wasn't planning to, the possibility that there could be some damage had also occurred to him. They may not have been trying, but the pill wasn't infallible and they were going on nine months together now. And they'd been going out of their way to make up for lost time on that front, yet this week was the first time she'd even been late. It was something to consider.

Even still, he knew it was seriously jumping the gun to say the only reason they weren't pregnant yet was because of an abortion she had twenty-five years earlier. He ran his fingers along her hip.

"Sweetheart, it's much too soon to make a presumption like that. We are older now and sometimes it just takes a little longer. Peak fertility is when you're in your twenties. I was a bit younger when we had Jack but still, that didn't happen right away. It was almost two years after we decided to have a family that he came along."

Emily started to feel some of her worry dissipate, "really? It took that long?"

Nodding he placed a kiss on her breast, "it did. And the doctor said that was normal. But if it makes you feel better we can both get checked now, before we get married, so we can be sure everything's okay. Also, that way if we find out there are . . . issues, we can start thinking of solutions."

He had already given this some thought and he figured, worst case, she couldn't get pregnant even with fertility treatments, then they could find a surrogate. Or maybe adopt from an orphanage in Eastern Europe. Emily spoke half the languages in that part of the world, so that would be an easier adoption process there than it would be if they went to China. But bottom line, Emily would make any child a wonderful mother and she wanted to have a baby, so he was going to make damn sure she got one.

Eyes stinging slightly Emily nodded, "if you really don't mind, I would like to do that. I mean it's not like I went to a first rate medical clinic. It wasn't a back alley butcher either, but still . . . things can go wrong. And after that, I always took double precautions. That was until we got together. This is the first time I've had a scare in . . .," she thought back, "over twenty years." Pouting, she bit her lip, "God I'm getting so old."

Hotch huffed as he ran his fingers up her side, "you're not old sweetheart, we're just not kids anymore," he tipped his head back to look at her, "and you forget, I met you when you were just a girl, and as beautiful as you were then," he flashed his dimples, "that kid doesn't even hold a candle to how gorgeous you are now."

Smiling softly Emily slid her hands down from his scalp, tracing her fingers along his cheekbones, "ditto."

Feeling his face start to get warm Hotch's mouth twitched and he put his head back down, closing his eyes again.

"Okay, so tomorrow you call your gynecologist and find out what we need to do."

Emily was relieved that he was being so understanding about her concerns. Not that it surprised her, he was always supportive. But he was right, their ages were a huge factor. And now that he had pointed that out, she would never have proposed getting tested this early if he hadn't brought it up first. Though, she wasn't sure if he'd actually considered what testing was going to involve. Eyes crinkling, she gently reminded him, "well honey, we already know what you need to do."

Hotch's eyes popped open. Crap. He hadn't even thought of that. Damn it! But, as he tensed up, he felt her tense up as well . . . and what was one humiliating afternoon in a closet compared to making her happy?

Sighing loudly he looked back up at her, "you see how much I love you. I'm willing to do it in a cup."

Relaxing again, she chuckled, leaning down to kiss his forehead, "well if it's any comfort, I can guarantee that my part isn't going to be a picnic either." He did deserve a reward though for agreeing to go through an embarrassing procedure, at this point, SOLELY for her benefit. So she did one of his favorites things. She whispered as she ran her tongue along the shell of his ear, "you are a very sweet man to do this for me." In response, as she had expected, she felt him begin to harden again. Hotch smiled against her chest, there were perks to being a good guy. Moving his head down to run his own tongue around her nipple, he sucked the tip into his mouth before mumbling, "do you think they'll let you come into the room with me?"

Breath hitching Emily arched slightly off the bed, "even if they say no, I promise I'll get in there." Hotch brought his head up to her mouth and she grinned against his lips, "I'll just bring my gun."

Leaning back he waggled his eyebrows, "ooh, can we go tomorrow?" She laughed, and he started to nip at the corner of her mouth before flipping them over. But as Emily made contact with the sheet she squealed against his lips, "ewww! Still wet!" and he mumbled a, "sorry sweetheart," before rolling them again.

This time they ended up on the floor.

Hotch looked up at her red faced with his mouth quivering. Emily laughed openly at him, "now provided at some point I actually do GET pregnant, I can trust you to _hold_ the baby, right?"

He smirked, "funny girl." Eyes sparkling she leaned down to give him a sloppy kiss. Then putting her head down on his chest she smacked her lips, "you know it sweetcheeks."

Hotch snorted as he ran his hands up her back, "so are we planning on getting back into the bed or . . . what's happening here?" Emily shrugged as she snuggled in closer, "I'm comfortable. And getting up," she flapped her hand with disinterest, "seems like so much effort." Hotch huffed, "we were just about to have sex Emily, that didn't strike you as an activity that was going to require some 'effort' on your part?"

She sighed dramatically, "yeah, but that was effort with purpose. And we did already have sex tonight, that was just a bonus round. Much less of a production. And you, my wonderful man, miraculously, still managed to stay joined even when we did our trapeze act off the bed. By the way, how is that possible? What did you put on that thing, superglue?" He laughed as she kissed his neck, "anyway, my point there was, simply having you inside of me is my favorite part, well, close second, so either way, I'm happy to stay right where I am," she quirked up her lip, "down here on the floor with one of the rejects from the Flying Walendas."

Chuckling Hotch reached up, grabbing the comforter and wrapping it around her so she wouldn't get cold. Luckily the tumble was a sufficient distraction to deflate impending urges, otherwise they might have had to renegotiate whether the bonus round was really going to be 'bonus' or true necessity in order to keep all parts in working order.

"Fine, we can sleep on the floor tonight," stretching slightly he grabbed one of the pillows, slipping it under his head, "but I can't promise how my back's going to be in the morning. I'm not a young man Agent Prentiss."

Emily smiled sleepily against his chest, "young enough sir. But if your back does give you problems then I promise we can finish the bonus round in the morning," she kissed his chest, "plus I'll add in one of those special 'happy ending' massages I've been hearing so much about."

Hotch raised his eyebrow, "hmm, if I knew that's all it took I would have dropped you on the floor months ago."

Giggling Emily lightly slapped his chest, "go to sleep."

Smirking Hotch closed his eyes, "yes ma'am."

*******************************************

_A/N 2: Okay, so now I might actually have an underlying hook for this story. But after having already done the cancer, I don't want to make it another sad one, because I know infertility is truly a nightmare for some people. Eh, I'll figure something out. I'm still not __planning__ on working on this, but really who knows. _

_Which leads me to an FYI: I'm NOT posting anything on the "Girl" story today or tomorrow. I have the next couple chapters written, but I'm not completely happy with them and I don't want to put up crap just for the sake of posting. So, I'm going to go back to them tomorrow and hopefully I can get them polished to my satisfaction. If they look good then I'll try to start up again on Saturday. I know, sorry :( But really, wouldn't you rather read the non sucky version?_

_Reviews people, they make the world go round :)_


	3. Not So Happy Endings

**Author's Note:** This takes place the morning after their little tumble out of bed. Occasionally unusual ideas will pop in my head and they refuse to leave me until I put them to paper. This is one of them. Pure fluff.

**Companion:** Chp. 2 "Labors of Love"

* * *

_Late August 2009_

**Not So Happy Endings**

Emily burst into Hotch's office.

"YOU TOLD **MORGAN**!!!"

Hotch dropped his pen as he looked up in confusion, "told Morgan what?"

What the hell was she talking about? And why was she yelling?!

Emily opened her mouth . . . about to rip into him . . . and then realized his door was still open. So she smacked it shut with her palm, pulling back the force at the last second when she remembered where they were.

No slamming of doors in the office.

She winced slightly when it still crashed against the frame, apparently she'd pulled back a second too late. And given the look Hotch was shooting at her she knew he was none too pleased about it. Ordinarily she would have apologized but today . . . no, screw it. She'd never brought their personal life into the office before but God damn it, he'd started it with his big stupid mouth! Shaking her finger at him she moved closer to his desk hissing.

"YOU TOLD MORGAN ABOUT YOUR HAPPY ENDING MASSAGE THIS MORNING! DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSED I WAS? YOU BIG JERK!"

Indignant, Hotch jumped up, "I DIDN'T TELL MORGAN ANY SUCH THING!"

That stopped Emily in her tracks. She stared at him for a moment. Hotch didn't lie. She wrinkled her brow, "you didn't?"

Taking advantage of the momentary lapse in yelling, Hotch tried to get to the bottom of this fight that he had just become an unwilling participant in.

His hands fell to his hips as he looked over his desk in irritation.

"No Emily, I didn't. Now why would you even _think_ something like that? You KNOW I would never do that!"

Not once in his life had he ever talked about his sexual exploits. Even as a teenager he had known it was disrespectful.

So he sure as hell wasn't going to go around discussing his FIANCE with their coworkers!

Now Emily was genuinely confused. She actually had found it hard to believe that he'd told Morgan to begin with, but . . . there was no mistaking Derek's insinuation.

_Somebody _had told him.

Matching Hotch's stance, Emily put her own hands on her hips as she looked over at him in bewilderment, "you REALLY didn't tell him?"

Who else could have known?

Hotch was relieved they had lowered the tone of the discussion to one more appropriate for the office. Not that the TOPIC of the conversation was an appropriate one to be having _in_ the office, but this obviously needed to be cleared up sooner than later.

So with a sigh he came around the desk and took her hand, "sweetheart of COURSE not. That's ridiculous. Now what the hell did he say to you to make you think that I did?"

After Emily processed his words, her lip came out in a pout as she squeezed his fingers, "well we were on the elevator and he said, and I quote him verbatim here, 'Hotch told me what you guys did this morning. Girl, I didn't think you had it in you. Maybe you and I could hit that later this week."

Hotch snorted . . . he knew exactly what Morgan had been talking about, and it most certainly was _NOT_ Emily's blow job!

Seeing Hotch's reaction, Emily's eyebrows narrowed dangerously as she pulled her hand out of his. Then she took a step back as she said angrily, "why are you laughing? This is _not_ funny Aaron!"

What was wrong with him? Morgan is talking to her about the intimate details of their sex life. Why was he not as upset about this as she was?

Hotch quickly schooled his features, "I'm sorry, you're right. It's not funny."

Well, he corrected to himself, it would have been if she knew what he knew, but she didn't. So as far as she was concerned, this was not a laughing matter. And if he didn't want to sleep on the couch tonight he needed to keep that in mind.

She looked at him suspiciously for a moment, trying to decide if he was genuinely sorry, or just saying he was sorry because she was mad. He was working the puppy dog eyes, and he didn't usually do that unless he realized he'd really screwed up, so she decided he was being sincere. Giving him a little smile, Emily nodded her acceptance of his apology.

Seeing that he was out of the doghouse, Hotch crinkled his eyes in return. Then he took a step closer to her, running his hand down her arm as he said softly, "sweetheart, after Derek said that to you, what did you say back to him?"

Hotch sent up a silent prayer for, _'absolutely nothing at all,_' to be the next words out of her mouth.

Emily's eyes dropped to the ground for a moment, as she cleared her throat, "well I was so shocked that for a second I didn't say anything. Then I just felt humiliated and . . ." she looked up at him a little guiltily, "I assumed you'd told him and I got really angry so I guess I lost my temper."

Hotch winced, bracing himself for what was coming next. And then he saw the pink tinge on Emily's cheeks as she continued.

"I told him that was a personal matter and he was disgusting for even bringing it up, let alone for proposing I do such a thing with him. It was an insult to my friendship with him and my relationship with you. And if that was what he wanted then he should ask one of his little weekend tarts to do it and to leave me out of it."

It was just so disgusting! How he could he ASK her something like that?!

Snapping his jaw shut, Hotch dropped back onto his desk.

Oh boy. So much worse than anything his imagination had conjured up. Derek hadn't known before, but, there was no doubt, he knew now. Emily didn't usually lose her temper so Hotch had been hoping that she'd just said something noncommittal before storming off to his office. Then he could tell her about the misunderstanding and she'd laugh and put it behind her.

But now . . . now, there would be no laughing. God, now he was going to have to tell her that SHE was the one that told Morgan that she gave him a blow job that morning. And she was already so embarrassed.

THIS . . . he shook his head . . . _this_ was not going to be good.

Hotch stood up, took a breath and gave Emily a little smile before he guided her over to his chair.

She was looking at him in confusion but that was okay. All would be revealed momentarily, and then confusion would soon be a fond memory.

Once she was sitting he crouched down in front of her and picked up her hand.

"Okay sweetheart, I need you to think for a second. Putting aside our sex life for a moment, what ELSE did we do this morning? Or more specifically, what else did you do . . ." he gave her a pointed look, "_to_ me this morning?"

She was the one that had said it to him first. It would come to her in a second.

Her eyebrows scrunched up as Emily started to shake her head in confusion . . . she didn't know what he was talking . . . oh.

Wait.

Her head snapped up as she looked down at him in horror.

"OH NO!"

Hotch nodded sadly at her, "yes."

"That's what he . . ."

He cut her off, "yes."

"BUT I . . ."

He cut her off again, "yes."

Her eyes started to water, "so he only knows now because I told him?"

Hotch squeezed her hand as he said with real remorse, "_yes_."

Emily's face crumpled right before her head dropped, "oh God!" She moaned, "I can't go back out there! I mean I know they know that we have sex but that's SO not the same as me painting pictures on the actual STUFF that we do!"

This was just so, so . . . BAD!!!!

Hotch sighed . . . no, no it wasn't the same. He wasn't particularly pleased about the picture painting either. This was his fiancé for God's sake! He sure as hell didn't want anybody 'picturing' her doing anything.

Not to mention, he was still her supervisor. It didn't matter that they were in a committed relationship, all she needed was one raunchy story to start spreading about her and her boss and it would completely taint her reputation. Women always had it harder than men in that respect. Hotch couldn't even imagine the names they'd call Derek if he was a woman. As it was he just had a reputation as a 'ladies man.'

That's nothing.

But Emily, she'd be part of the gossip mill until she put in her papers, just like that slutty redhead down in fingerprinting. And look at that! He didn't even know the slutty redhead's name! Or even if she was really a slut! They only called her the slutty redhead because of that ONE rumor that started after last year's Christmas party. And she seemed like a very nice person.

Hell, she could read to the blind in her spare time for all he knew! But all it had taken was one . . . rather explicit . . . supply closet story for her to get a nasty nickname. But the guy she was allegedly with, no nickname for him, he just got a slap on the back.

Meanwhile that poor girl that reads to the blind is walking around here like she's Hester Freaking Prynne!

As he rubbed Emily's hand soothingly Hotch began to seethe with anger . . . well that wasn't going to happen to his girl! He was just going to have to kill anyone that had heard the story. Under NO circumstances was Emily ever going to be known as the slutty brunette in the BAU!

But wait . . . he took a breath as he tried to calm down . . . she said it to Derek. And they were on the elevator at the time and presumably she would have mentioned if there were other people there. He started to feel his muscles unclench slightly . . . this wasn't a complete disaster. Derek was one of her closest friends. He'd be almost as protective of her reputation around the office as Hotch himself was.

And Derek knew how quickly these things spread. The men around here gossiped worse than little old ladies, especially about sex. So no, he knew for sure that Morgan wouldn't repeat what Emily said to any of the guys. He began to relax, but then his brain started rolling faster again as he panicked, remembering one major problem.

Morgan was going to tell Garcia!

He told Garcia everything! She was like his wife. And then Garcia . . . Christ, she would tell Kevin. Hotch started to get pissed again. And Kevin could easily tell anyone and everyone in the office!

That bastard!

All right, so he'd have to kill Kevin. But that's okay. He wasn't immediate family so he was expendable.

This was an easy fix.

Focusing back in on Emily, he reached up to wipe away the one rogue tear that had escaped and was sliding down her face.

"Sweetheart this is going to be fine. All I have to do is kill Kevin and we can put it behind us."

Emily sniffled as she wrinkled her nose in confusion, "what?"

Oh right, she hadn't been privy to his chain of thought on this one. But that was for the best. It was his job to protect her, he didn't want her worrying about all the stuff he worried about. He gave her a little smile, "doesn't matter. You wait here for a minute and I'll go talk to Derek. I know you're embarrassed . . ."

She hiccupped a correction, "humiliated and I want to die."

His lips twitched slightly, "sorry, humiliated and you want to die. But remember Emily, he's your friend, he's not going tell anyone."

Except . . . he added to himself . . . Garcia. But he didn't need to put that thought in her head. He continued aloud.

"All I have to do is make sure that he understands that if he ever mentions this to you personally, that I'll have him transferred to the Upper Peninsula and he can work reservation liaison duty for the next three years."

Emily felt ashamed . . . how could she even have thought for a second that he would talk about her to Morgan?

He was her protector, always. Biting her lip she tried to give him a little smile, "thanks honey."

Flashing a dimple at her in return, Hotch tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before he leaned up to press a quick kiss to her lips. Usually that was a forbidden activity in the office but, these were special circumstances.

This was the second day in a row he'd had to see her upset enough to cry. Granted the tears were for completely different reasons, but still, there was only so much he could take. She still hadn't gotten her period and she'd told him that her hormones were a little out of whack.

Which . . . he realized now . . . was quite possibly why she'd jumped to the wrong conclusion about what Derek had meant. But what really irked him was that he couldn't even take out any of his irritation at this situation on Derek. He hadn't done anything wrong!

Well, provided he hadn't opened his mouth yet. Then he was a dead man. Basically this was just a very, very . . . _very_, unfortunate misunderstanding.

And poor Emily . . . he furrowed his brow . . . she looked so miserable.

Pulling her out of the chair he wrapped his arms around her, whispering in her ear, "just put it out of your head. There's nothing to worry about. I'll fix it." Emily sighed as she buried her face against his chest. Then she squeezed him tightly, "I'm sorry I slammed the door, and I'm sorry I accused you of talking about something so personal. I know you wouldn't do that." Leaning back she gave him a sheepish smile, "it's the stupid hormones. They hijacked my rational thought for a few minutes." She rested her head against his chest again as she sighed, "you should just trade me in for some nicer girl who won't be mean to you."

Hotch chuckled before he kissed the top of her head.

"I wouldn't even think of trading you in for another model." Emily huffed, "even when I come in yelling at you for things you didn't do." He smirked, "especially then," he ran his fingers down her back, "sweetheart, since I met you the one thing I can always be assured of is that I'll have an interesting day." She laughed against his chest, "yeah, because with a job where you chase serial killers clearly what was missing from your life was someone to make the day more interesting."

As he stepped back, Hotch gave her a soft smile, "that's exactly what I was missing, I just didn't know it."

Feeling her eyes start to sting, Emily smacked his chest, "okay you need to get out of her now or you're going to make cry." Smiling Hotch squeezed her hand, "okay you wait here. I'll be back in a few minutes." He started to walk out and then turned back to point at his desk, "and there's a case in there I was going to show you later. The New Mexico one." Emily started digging and then pulled out a folder from the bottom of the stack. Looking up she smiled at him, "got it," she sat back down in his chair, "I'll look it over while you're talking to Morgan."

Putting his hand on the doorknob Hotch looked back with a smirk, "don't sign anything while you're over there. Don't forget you're not officially an 'Agent Hotchner' yet."

They really did need to set a date at some point. But Emily was still trying to decide if she wanted a winter wedding or a Spring one. It made no difference to Hotch. Whatever she wanted.

His eyes crinkled as she started to laugh . . . whatever made her happy.

Emily picked up his pen, "oh, you shouldn't have put the idea in my head," she pretended to write his name on the form in front of her, "now I can finally get that new chair I've wanted for the last six months."

Hotch rolled his eyes, "yes, I am well aware of your desire for a new chair Agent Prentiss. And when we have the money in the budget, you can get one."

With an exasperated sigh Emily opened the New Mexico file mumbling to herself, "sleeping with the boss just doesn't have the perks people think it does."

Shaking his head at her Hotch left his office to go talk to Morgan. But, as he could clearly see from the landing, he wasn't at his desk.

Great.

With Hotch's luck he was probably off in Garcia's bat cave. With a sigh, Hotch headed down into the bullpen.

"Reid do you know where Morgan is?"

Chewing on his pen Spencer looked up, "uh yeah, he said he was going to the men's room to try to get out a coffee stain," Reid snorted, "it looked like he spilled half the pot on his shirt."

Hotch winced . . . Emily hadn't mentioned that she threw her coffee at him.

Thank God they were on the elevator and not in the break room with a full audience for that spectacle.

After he muttered a "thanks" to Reid, Hotch exited their glass enclosure. Then he took a breath as he headed across the hall to the men's room.

He found Derek in there . . . bare-chested . . . scrubbing his shirt in the sink.

As the door opened Morgan caught Hotch's reflection in the mirror and he turned, giving him a slow grin.

"Hey Hotch. You having a good day?"

Hotch narrowed his eyes dangerously, "so help me God Morgan if you repeat that to anyone . . ." Derek put his hand up laughing, "relax, I'm just busting you man! I'm not going to tell anyone." Sobering, he went back to rubbing the stain out of his shirt, "Em's my girl too. I don't want the guys talking shit about her like they do that chick down in fingerprinting." Actually Morgan was sure that he if ever caught someone talking about Emily like they did that redhead, he'd probably throw him through a window.

Relieved that Morgan was behaving as he'd expected, Hotch felt some of the tension leak of out of his neck. But then he remembered his other concern and gave him a hard look, "you can't tell Garcia either."

That was always the bigger worry . . . The Garcia Connection

Appalled, Derek looked back up . . . he had no secrets from Baby Girl!

"Hotch that's not fair!"

Feeling a shot of adrenaline hit his system Hotch snarled back, "are you SERIOUSLY arguing with me about this!? It was never your business to know anyway so it certainly isn't your business to be sharing it with anyone!"

Suddenly noticing how Morgan was staring at him, Hotch tried to rein in his temper . . . which was admittedly taking a run around the block. So he took a breath and softened his tone slightly before he finally explained his real concern.

"Derek . . . she'll tell Kevin."

Eyes widening in understanding, Morgan angrily threw his shirt down in the sink.

"SHIT! Of course! That's how Renee found out I'd slept with her sister! And Garcia tried to tell me . . ." he shook his head indignantly, "psychic powers my ass! Damn it! Baby Girl is out of the loop!"

Morgan worked his jaw . . . when the hell did her loyalties switch from him to Kevin? That hurt. And totally sucked! She was his main confidante. His best friend.

Who was he supposed to tell his business to now? Reid. He rolled his eyes . . . yeah, that's gonna happen. He slammed his fist on the counter.

Man, this blew!

Hotch blinked in astonishment at the back room drama involved in simply Being Derek Morgan. Then he gave Derek a moment to calm down before he cleared his throat.

"Okay so we're clear, no Garcia. And . . ." he shot Derek a deadly glare as he put his hands on his hips, "God help you if you ever mention this to Emily. She's in my office right now, and she's incredibly embarrassed about this Derek. I don't like to see her upset, so if I hear that this has been brought up again I am going to be VERY displeased. Is that understood?"

Hearing the emotion in Hotch's voice, Morgan's anger washed away in an instant.

God, Hotch _really_ did love her! He knew that in an abstract way of course, they were getting married after all. But sometimes Hotch would look at Emily, or there would be something in his eyes like just now, and Derek would really understand just how MUCH he loved her. A hell of a lot more than Derek himself had ever loved a woman. He enjoyed his life, but sometimes he envied what Hotch had.

Derek bit his lip.

Maybe that's what Garcia had now too. And maybe he should start thinking about that. If that's something he wanted for himself.

But in the meantime . . . he looked over at Hotch . . . he'd be respectful of his friends' relationships. They deserved to be happy and he didn't want to do anything to cause them grief.

After Derek picked up his shirt again, he turned on the water and finally looked back at Hotch.

"I understand. And as much as I do enjoy teasing her, I hope you know I'd never do anything to seriously upset her," he started rinsing out the soap suds, "so, as much as it kills me to say this, please assure her that as far as I'm concerned that whole conversation never happened. And . . ." he turned off the water and began ringing out his shirt, "as soon as I run this under the hand dryer all the evidence of our," he rolled his eyes, "'discussion' will be gone as well."

Shoving his hands into his pockets Hotch sighed as he looked down at Derek's shirt, "yeah, about that. Did the coffee stain come out? If it didn't just let me know and I'll pay for the dry cleaning."

A small price to pay to smooth everything over.

Morgan shook his head dismissively, "no it's fine man. It was still wet when I came in here." Hotch nodded and Derek tipped his head in return. And with that, an understanding had been reached and their discussion was finished. Morgan went over to the hand dryers and Hotch stepped out of the bathroom.

Once he was back out in the hall he stopped to roll his neck. There, crisis averted. Emily didn't have to come to work tomorrow in a burqa. Squinting Hotch saw Dave stepping out of the crowd coming off the elevator. He had a tray full of coffee. Huh. At that moment Dave spotted him as well and he crossed the hall to come over to the little alcove by the bathrooms. As he approached Hotch gave him an amused look.

"Thirsty?"

Smiling Dave handed him the tray and pulled one coffee back for himself, "actually those are for you and Emily." Raising a confused eyebrow Hotch looked down at the tray and then looked back up, "okay, uh, thanks. What's the special occasion?" Smirking Dave pulled him over to the corner, "well I actually thought given the day you two were having that you might like a treat. Well," he winked, "another one."

Hotch dropped his jaw as he realized that Dave knew. Then he could feel his blood pressure surge as he growled, "God damn it! I am going to KILL Derek!" He looked anxiously over Rossi's head to see if Morgan was coming out of the bathroom yet.

Dave grabbed his arm, "whoa, whoa, no need to kill Morgan. He didn't tell me anything." Rossi tipped his head and gave Hotch a pointed look, "I think you forgot that we share a wall."

Oh. crap. Hotch closed his eyes, feeling the blood draining out of his face. He whispered.

"How much did you hear?"

Rossi gave him a sympathetic smile, "as soon as I realized what was going on I was going to leave. But then I got an email from the director's office, and well, they needed a response right away so, I, uh, heard the whole thing. Sorry son."

Hotch was now starting to have some inkling as to how Emily felt. It was one thing talking about his personal life when he was dealing with Morgan on her behalf. He was in protective mode then, but this was different. This . . . this sucked.

Taking pity on his friend, Rossi patted Hotch's arm, "it's okay Aaron, obviously I'm not going to tell anyone. And I actually didn't have any intention of even letting you know I'd heard your discussion. I was going to slip out for coffee so you wouldn't know I'd been in there. But then," his lip quirked up, "my curiosity got the better of me."

Hotch looked over warily, "_excuse_ me?" Dave rolled his eyes, "not about that. For God's sake I did two tours in Vietnam. Those girls invented the happy ending massage."

Pursing his lips in distaste Hotch looked down. That was the SECOND thing he'd heard in the past five minutes that he could have lived his whole life not knowing. Why did Dave and Morgan think that just because they'd learned something about his sex life that they had to share something from theirs? It didn't make them EVEN, it just made it worse! Do women do that too? Given Emily's reaction earlier Hotch tended to believe no. Well, good for them. It showed an admirable evolutionary advancement.

Oblivious to Hotch's internal rant, Dave raised his eyebrow, "I know this is none of my business but, if you don't mind, this is just killing me." He leaned in, "I understand that Emily misunderstood what Derek was talking about, but if could you please just tell me what you actually _did_ say to Morgan that started all this?"

Hotch looked dumbly at him for a second . . . that's all what he wanted to know? He thought he was going to ask him how often they did it or who was on top.

Something_ entirely_ inappropriate.

Really, no question would have surprised him, except . . . that completely innocuous one which had completely thrown him. Shaking those other thoughts from his head he gave a proud smile.

"Emily and I went to the range this morning. We went five out of five and she got a perfect score every time. She beat everyone down there."

His girl kicked ass.

"Ah," Dave smiled as he nodded, "I see. So I'm assuming your exact words to Derek were that she, 'kicked your ass'?" At Hotch's nod, Dave chuckled, "so Derek was not propositioning her, he just wanted to go shooting with her?" Hotch closed his eyes and sighed, "yes."

Lips twitching Dave put his hand on Hotch's shoulder and started to guide him back across the hall. Looking over he gave Hotch a questioning look, "so if you hadn't been bragging about her to Morgan then none of this would have happened." Stopping briefly Hotch shot a glare at Rossi, "yes, I suppose that's true." Dave pulled the glass door open and stepped back for Hotch to enter first, "so basically this is all your fault?" Grinding his jaw Hotch passed through the break area, "in a manner of speaking, yes."

They were quiet for a moment as they headed across the bullpen and up the stairs towards their offices. As they got to the landing Hotch turned to Dave with a glare, "so you done busting my balls now? Or can I look forward to more of this later?" Dave grinned, "no, I'm good." He started to turn away and then looked back.

"Are you going to tell Emily I heard?"

Shifting the tray to his other hand, Hotch sighed, "yeah, I'm going to tell her. We don't keep secrets. And besides," he rolled his eyes, "she needs to know for future reference that the walls are paper thin."

Rossi tipped his head, "true. But I will say Hotch, this is the first personal conversation I've ever overheard." He looked over with admiration, "you two have done an exemplary job separating your work life and your home life."

Hotch huffed, "thanks Dave. It's just too bad that the first time our personal life crashed into the office it couldn't have been over who forgot to do the dishes."

Chuckling Dave turned to go toward his office, but then he stopped, realizing that Hotch was about to go back into his office and have another awkward conversation with Emily. A conversation where his name was going to be used repeatedly. Scrunching his face up he looked back at Hotch, "you know what? I'm going to just go grab a couple files off my desk and take them to the conference room."

Hotch dropped his head, "uh, yeah, if you don't mind. Just give me five minutes." Rossi waved his hand dismissively, "take as much time as you need. It'll be nice to get out from behind the desk for a little while." Hotch waited a moment until Rossi had grabbed his paperwork and was on his way down the hall before he stepped back inside his own office.

Emily looked up nervously, "how did it go?"

Shutting the door Hotch gave her a reassuring smile as he went over and sat down in one of the visitor's chairs.

"It's all set. As expected Morgan had no intention of telling anyone and he has promised no teasing, he's going to pretend like the whole thing never happened."

Emily dropped her head down to the desk, "oh thank God. I don't have to transfer to Buffalo." Then she looked up and pouted, "though would you mind terribly if I worked up here for the rest of the day?" She looked at her watch, "it's already after three so the day's almost over. I'll just feel really uncomfortable if I have to sit across from him for the next two hours with all of these," she made an ick face, "pictures fresh in his head."

Hotch's eyes crinkled, "of course you can work up here sweetheart."

Emily smiled, "thanks honey." Hotch watched her close up the file he had asked her to look over, and as she stood to go down and grab her laptop, Hotch finally put up his hand.

"Actually Emily there's one more little thing I needed to tell you before you step out."

She smiled as she raised her eyebrows expectantly, "oh?"

God, how was he supposed to do this now? She was happy again, he didn't want to ruin that. But damn it, he had to tell her now. It would just be worse if he told her AFTER her next conversation with Dave.

Fortunately though . . . as he was procrastinating . . . that's when she noticed the tray he was holding. She looked down, "oh you got coffee. That was nice."

And THERE was his opening.

He plucked a cup off the tray as he smiled, leaned over and handed it to her.

"Yeah . . . funny story about the coffee."

//////////////

Reid looked up from the copier to see Hotch rushing across the bullpen muttering to himself.

"Why the hell did I give her the coffee BEFORE I told her? Idiot."

Then he grabbed a roll of paper towel off the counter and ran back across the room, up the stairs and into his office.

The door slammed shut behind him.

With a shake of his head Reid turned back to his copy job.

_'I don't know want to know.'_

* * *

_A/N 2: It's so nice to go completely AU again! My muse has been a little stifled working within the confines of the season three episodes, which is I think why they're taking a little longer than I would have thought. But the muse is happy again over here writing fluffy ridiculous romance stuff. I have a few more ideas for chapters in this story, and I might whip them out sooner than later. I thought this story would be a distraction, but now I'm thinking it might actually help the other story move more quickly as well. Though TFM, I'm still making no promises about that Zombie Apocalypse chapter._

_You know what amuses me about this one, and keep in mind I do completely acknowledge what a loser I am for laughing at my own stuff, it's the part where Hotch calls Kevin a bastard. And poor Kevin didn't even do anything. I still chuckle about that one. Yep, big loser._

_Reviews folks, love 'em or leave 'em!_


	4. The Pro Cat Lobby

**Author's Note:** I was planning on holding this for a little longer (for emergency posting) but a couple people have asked me about this story recently so I figured, seeing as this one was done, I might as well put it up and make a couple people happy, well, hopefully.

And unlike the last two chapters, this one is PG rated :)

* * *

_Late August 2009_

**The Pro Cat Lobby**

Hotch stepped out of the shower and picked up a towel to begin drying himself off.

For the last two days he'd been rolling a question around in his head, and he knew that he needed to ask Emily this question soon before he drove himself crazy. But the question was kind of a big one, and he didn't want her to _know_ it was a big one, so he was nervous about reaction.

So he continued watching her out of the corner of his eye as she took off her makeup . . . he was waiting for the moment to make his move. Then she threw the cotton ball into the trash and he took it.

"So," he asked as casually as possible, "what do you think about getting a cat?"

Emily raised a perplexed eyebrow as she looked at Hotch in the mirror.

"A cat?"

Where was this coming from?

Okay . . . Hotch tried to keep himself psyched up . . . her repeating back the question is not a good sign, but don't let it throw you Aaron, just keep it cool.

Therefore . . . in an effort to 'keep it cool' . . . he started rubbing his hair dry like this was any other normal 'post shower, feline purchase' conversation.

"Uh, yeah," he continued with the set script, "a cat. I was thinking maybe we should get one."

"But honey," Emily responded as she furrowed her brow in confusion, "you hate cats."

What the . . .? Hotch looked over indignantly, "when did I say I hated cats?"

Emily picked up her brush and started combing her hair.

"Just last week when we were coming out of that old woman's house. You were sputtering all the way back to the station."

Hotch rolled his eyes, "for God's sake Emily, that woman had THIRTEEN cats! That's insane! Not to mention," he shuddered, "two of them were missing their tails. How do you lose a cat's tail? It's attached. AND," he raised his voice slightly, "one of them had an eye patch!"

Who put an eye patch on a cat? And though he couldn't prove it, he'd swear in court that one of those missing tails was being batted around the kitchen floor.

The whole experience was very disturbing and really shouldn't be counted against him . . . or any other rational human . . . in any pro or con cat convo.

With a slow nod, Emily thought back to the freaky pirate cat.

"Okay bad example, but," she looked over at him, "Aaron every interview that we've ever conducted where there was a cat onsite you've complained about them after when we left." Her head bobbed slightly as she thought back to his litany of issues with them, "they rub against you, they leave hair on your suit they . . ."

Finally Hotch cut her off in exasperation. "Okay I get it! I am on the record as being Anti-Cat!"

Jeez, GOD! Since when had she inherited Reid's eidetic memory!

Chuckling at his irritation, Emily turned around to face him as she crossed her arms at her chest, "well then honey I just don't understand, given that you are so, 'Anti-Cat,' why you would want to bring one into your home?"

Realizing the time for subterfuge had passed . . . it was a dramatic fail . . . Hotch dropped his head to his chest.

"Jack wants one," he sighed, "and Haley's allergic."

Hotch shook his head in disgust that his big plan had fallen apart so quickly. Then he threw the towel over the rack before exiting the bathroom to grab a pair of boxers.

Now he had to convince his fiance that he wanted to get a cat even though she knew that he didn't like them. And he might have a _tad_ more credibility that he wasn't a crazy person if he wasn't naked while he was making his argument.

Biting her lip, Emily's eyes crinkled as she called after him, "Aaron, why didn't you just tell me it was for Jack?" He yelled back, "because I didn't want to influence your opinion," he came back around the corner, "he has you completely wrapped around his finger and I wanted to know what you really thought about the idea before I told you it was for him."

Emily came over and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"That's sweet honey, but unlike you I am not on the record as being," she grinned, "anti cat. I actually like cats. When my mother got her first assignment she bought me a kitten to help make the move easier on me," her expression softened as she thought back, "Mrs. Paddington, grey tabby, she traveled all over the world with me," she trailed off, "God I loved that cat."

Seeing the sympathetic smile she was getting from Hotch, Emily shook her head dismissively.

"Sorry," she cleared her throat as she began combing her hair again, "I didn't mean to get all maudlin." Then she straightened up, "my point was, I'm fine with getting a cat, but hon," she looked hard at him, "if you don't like them I really don't think it's such a good idea."

Hotch might assume Jack had her completely wrapped around his little finger but Emily was fine saying no to a pet if she thought Hotch was going to be miserable.

Okay, she corrected, she wouldn't be 'fine' saying no to him. Most likely the minute that she saw his hurt little face she'd go cry in the bathroom for ten minutes. BUT, that didn't change the fact that she'd still say no if that was what was best for her family. Pets were a big responsibility. God, cats can live for fifteen or twenty years. They shouldn't get one just because Hotch felt guilty.

That was a disaster waiting to happen.

Seeing that Emily was serious in her concerns, Hotch's brow went up. Huh. He hadn't considered the possibility that she'd say no because she thought HE didn't like them.

Which meant that he had to reapproach the discussion from that point of view.

"Tt's not that I hate them in principle Emily," he said as he leaned back against the bathroom door, "it's just, well," he rolled his eyes, "the cat hair on everything that drives me crazy."

Emily tipped her head . . . she could see that. He was pretty anal about his appearance. Not vain, but his creases always had to be razor sharp and he buffed his shoes at least twice a week. Though she supposed he probably got his rigorous dress code standards from his father. The Marine.

Hotch definitely would have done well in the military.

She raised her eyebrow sardonically, "you do understand how hard it is to find a BALD cat? If we got one it would most likely have hair, and it would get on everything."

He nodded, "yeah I know but I thought about that," he quirked his lip up, "we could get a black one."

For a second Emily stared at Hotch in utter confusion, and then she burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry! You want to get a cat to match your SUITS? Who are you, Paris Hilton?"

Had he lost his flipping mind?

He threw his hands in the air, "come on, it's the perfect solution! Most of our clothes are dark colors. The hair would hardly show."

With an exasperated head shake, Emily hopped up on the vanity.

"You're crazy, you know that right?" she rolled her eyes as she muttered to herself, "I'm marrying a crazy man."

Realizing that his first approach wasn't working, Hotch crossed the bathroom to stand in front of her. It was unfortunately time to put all of his cards on the table.

"Sweetheart," he sighed, "I know it sounds crazy, but . . ." he bit his lip, "every Christmas until I was eight I asked Santa for a dog. That's all I ever wanted and I never got one because my dad didn't like them. Jack wants a cat," he looked at her imploringly, "and I'd really like to do this for him."

His son asked for so little and he was such a well behaved child, it just seemed wrong to deny him this one thing that would make him happy.

As she bit her lip Emily stared up at Hotch . . . how as she supposed to say no to that face?

Finally she sighed, "well, if you _really_ think that accessorizing your suit with a matching cat with will solve all of your problems, then," she quirked her lip up, "it's fine with me."

Really, there was NO way to say to the face. And then said face lit up in delight as he asked disbelievingly, "really?"

And she smiled, "yes really truly pinky swear, we can get a cat."

With an enormous grin, Hotch swept her off the counter and bouncing her in his arms, "sweetheart you're the BEST!"

He had prepared himself for no. He should have just asked her two days ago and saved himself a lot of grief.

Emily laughed as she put her arm around his neck, "wow! If I'd known it was going to make you this happy I would have negotiated some concessions before I agreed. I haven't seen you this excited since we got the guns & ammo centerfold edition."

Really, Hotch was NEVER this excited about anything. Well, sex maybe . . . okay yeah . . . that was perhaps the only location that his otherwise omnipresence reserve was completely cast aside.

If he thought he was going to get some.

Mouth twitching, Hotch carried Emily into the bedroom and dropped her onto the covers before flopping down on his back next to her. Then he folded his arms behind his head as he looked up at the most perfect fiance on the planet.

"Okay, anything you want Emily. You name it."

He was really hoping it wasn't going to be earrings. Not that he was opposed to jewelery purchases, it's just that he'd already picked out a pair for her birthday, and if she wanted them now then he was going to have to start from scratch on birthday present shopping.

Wow . . . Emily's brow rose in amusement . . . anything she wanted! That was big.

Man, he was definitely excited about this cat.

So she sat up on her knees and tapped her brush against her chin.

"Hmmm, what do I want . . ." then her eyes got wide, "oh I know!" She poked him in the chest with her brush, "YOU, mister, have to clean your son's bathroom for a week!"

Usually they split chore, but more often than not bathroom cleaning fell to her.

"Done." Hotch chuckled

Okay, that was easy.

"AND," Emily raised her eyebrow threateningly, "you have to have a conversation with him about proper aim." She shook her head in exasperation, "he's like a little sprinkler system."

If that was genetic Emily had no idea because she'd never had such issues with Hotch. But of course Hotch had been married for twenty years before Emily had shared a bathroom with the man. So if he'd once had any bad bathroom habits . . . or bad habits anywhere else . . . Haley would most likely have addressed them a couple of decades ago.

Still though, Emily was thinking perhaps it might be neater if they had girls.

Hotch snorted, "also done," then his brow crept up, "anything else?"

Emily scrunched up her face, "no, I think that's enough for now." Then she looked down at him with a smile and Hotch gave her a dimple in return. So after shifting around, she moved over to lay her head on his shoulder.

She sighed.

"We're getting a cat," she said. To which Hotch nodded a, "yep." And as her her fingers ran down his chest she logically pointed out. "That's a big commitment."

And Hotch nodded again, "it is."

Where was she going with this?

"They can live fifteen or twenty years you know," Emily added seriously.

Hotch glanced down at her with a smirk, "I thought that you had PREVIOUSLY decided that you were going to spend the next sixty years with me Emily. Is there some new development in this time table that I need to know about?"

With a roll of her eyes Emily flopped back against his arm.

"I just MEANT that a lot can happen in twenty years. Our family is, in one way or another, going to expand, Jack will go off to college," she smirked, "you'll retire."

Poking fun at his age was an activity that Emily really never tired of. As long as she could always be seven years younger, then she was always going to come out on top of that one. Besides he knew better than to take a crack at her age.

He'd be spending the night on the couch.

Hotch threw her a scowl as he ran his fingers up to lightly pinch her side, "are you calling me OLD?"

Probably. Just last week they were in the drug store and she asked if he'd thought about covering the grey that had started sprinkling his temples.

"No!" Emily squeaked as Hotch's fingers dancing along her sides. It wasn't until he'd pulled his hand back that she shot him a dry, "well, not yet anyway."

In response he shot her an eyebrow, and she smirked as she settled back against his arm.

"I'm only pointing out that we're going to be making a fairly permanent addition to our family. It's a notable occasion worthy of, well, note."

How does he not see the noteworthyness of such a notable occasion?

Hotch's eyes crinkled as he ran his fingers down Emily's arm, "well please note that this notable occasion, worthy of note, has been duly noted."

Well . . . Emily sat up and furrowed her brow at the man beside her . . . that didn't sound sincere at all.

"Are you making _fun_ of me Agent Hotchner?" She asked threateningly.

"Oh sweetheart," Hotch ran his hand consolingly down her cheek, "of _course_ I'm making fun of you."

Emily tried to glare at him but then her mouth twitched and Hotch grinned as he waved a triumphant arm in the air.

"I WIN! You ALWAYS win, and I would like it noted, for the record, that tonight, I won!"

Emily raised an amused eyebrow before looking down at him straight faced.

"Fine, Aaron, if that's the way you want it. It will go down in the books that tonight you pulled me into bed, I looked down at you half naked, and . . . I laughed."

That ought to get him.

Hotch stared at her for a second in confusion before he scowled, "HEY!"

With a grin Emily climbed on top of him and straddled his chest.

"And you see now honey, you didn't win," she leaned down to give him a peck on the lips, "I won."

Silly man, like he was ever going to be allowed to win.

"Fine," grumbled as he rolled his eyes, "YOU won."

Just ONCE, that's all he was asking for, just one day where he came out on top of one of these . . . whatever it was that they did.

As she picked up her brush of the bed Emily tried not to laugh at the Hotch version of a pout. It was sort of a mix between a scowl and a . . . well, a regular pout.

It was most amusing.

Watching Emily begin to comb her hair again, Hotch's slight irritation morphed to amusement as he raised an eyebrow.

"We're both half naked, you decide to climb on my chest, and all you want to do is _comb_ your hair?"

Emily smirked, "it's not all I want to do," and Hotch gave her a wolfish grin as he started running his fingers under her t-shirt but she slapped his hand away.

"Uh, uh not yet. You didn't let me finish, it's all I want to do _right now_." With a pout she tugged on her hair, "I have a knot and I can't get it out. I'm afraid I'm going to need to get the scissors, and," she shook her head sadly, "I'm not going to be very pretty with a bald spot."

Hotch's eyes crinkled, "would you like some help?" She nodded pathetically, "yes please."

She slid off his chest and Hotch sat up, pushing himself back against the headboard.

"Okay," he patted the bed, "come here."

After she'd scooted over, Emily handed Hotch her brush before turning to give him a look over her shoulder.

"Be careful," she said nervously.

"Sweetheart," Hotch said with a roll of his eyes, "I'm not going to hurt you. I've done this before."

Emily sighed.

"I know but this one's really bad. I was in a hurry when I got out of the shower this morning and it dried like that," she huffed, "and then I think I sprayed it with some extra hold hair spray." She shook her head, "essentially I super glued the thing in there."

Hotch looked at the brush she handed him and then put it down on the bed . . . it was easier to just use his fingers. So he very gently started working out the knot as she grumbled about getting all of her hair cut off like his.

He ignored her.

This was a rant that he heard at least once a week. And he refused to engage in the conversation until the day she asked if she could go to the barber with him. Only then would he cuff her to the steering wheel until she came back to her senses.

Hotch was no fool. He knew full well that if she ever got her hair cut that short she'd come out crying and then blame him for letting her do it.

Not that she wouldn't still be beautiful even if she got her head shaved. But he knew Emily, and she most definitely would _not_ be happy with inch long spiky hair.

And it looks like . . . yes . . . he got it. He smoothed his fingers through her hair, "all set."

At his successful removal of the offending knot, Emily she shot Hotch a relieved smile over her shoulder, "thanks honey."

Now that her follicular issues had been addressed, Emily leaned back against Hotch's chest. A second later he crossed his arms around her stomach.

They were silent for a minute and then Hotch's lips started to twitch.

"Mrs. Patterson? Really? I have to say, I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with you naming the cat. Or for that matter, our children."

Emily whipped her head around, "HEY! You don't get to talk! You named your son after a serial killer!"

Hotch sputtered incredulously as he looked down at her, "what . . . what the hell are you talking about? Gideon and I ran down all the names. Between the two of us we covered every Ameri . . ." his eyes widened in understanding.

"SON OF A BITCH!"

* * *

_A/N 2: I never could understand why Hotch and Gideon went to all that trouble to discuss serial killers so Hotch could cross names off the list and then they completely missed Jack the Ripper. Granted, Jack is an incredibly common name, but still, as infamous murderers go that's kind of a big one so it sort of defeated the whole purpose of their exercise._

_I don't have anything else written for this right now but I do have a clear image of them going with Jack to pick out their cat so at some point I'll get that one on the page. Not to mention I have a few other chapters in my head too. Patience kids, eventually I'll get them all out :)_

_If you'd be kind enough to perhaps leave a review or two, I'm going to go off and make those brownies I didn't get last night. And then MAYBE, I'll post on Girl a little later this evening :)_


	5. The Highlander

**Author's Note:** This is an offshoot of Universe A of _Falling in Love with a Girl._ You don't need to read any of that to read these. I just decided to break out these two Reid'centric chapters from my H/P story _Life & Such_ and make them their own separate story. I thought more people might end up reading them as Reid pieces. So again, if you've read Life & Such, these two chapters will sound very familiar because you probably already read them :)

And I picked the story title so that I can continue to add to it if more Reid ideas come to me.

* * *

**Prompt Set #1**

Show: Sabrina, The Teenage Witch

Title Challenge: The Pom Pom Incident

* * *

**The Highlander**

"Reid, what the hell are you wearing?"

Hearing Morgan's obvious disdain for his outfit, Spencer looked over at him indignantly.

"I cleared it with Hotch."

Dumbfounded, Derek dropped his bag on his desk and walked over to Reid's area.

"I didn't _ask_ if you cleared it with Hotch," he said as he motioned for him to stand up, "I _asked _what the HELL you were wearing?"

Huffing in annoyance, Spencer rose to his feet.

"It's William Wallace Day, and because I'm just doing paperwork, AND, I brought a change of clothes if we have to go anywhere, Hotch told me that it was all right if I wore the traditional Scottish garb."

Derek just stared at him. "And the pom poms?"

Spencer frowned as he reached down to finger them, "what about them? They're part of the kilt."

Throwing his hands up in the air, Morgan blew out a huff of air, "okay man, your funeral."

Sometimes, he had no idea what planet that kid was born on.

Reid scowled indignantly as he put his hands on his hips. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It MEANS," Derek said as he crossed back over to his desk and sat down, "you're walking around the freaking FBI in a freaking skirt. You're asking to get your ass kicked."

Then Derek snorted as he started up his computer, "you should go down to the gym and see if anyone wants to spar."

Then the horrifying thought came to him that he didn't know what Reid was wearing under the kilt.

His head snapped back as he shook his head violently.

"On second thought don't, don't do that."

Reid rolled his eyes, but before he could respond verbally, he froze.

"Oh baby nice legs!"

He spun around to find Emily walking up behind him with a huge grin on her face.

"Do you know how many years I've been waiting to throw that line back in a guy's face?"

For a second, Reid started to glare at her, but then she came closer. And with a soft smile she patted his arm.

"I'm just joking hon, you look great."

Reid shot Derek a look as he responded, "thank you EMILY." Then he turned back to her, "you know some people think I look ridiculous."

Emily's mouth twitched as she raised her eyebrow at Morgan.

"Well obviously _some_ people just aren't secure enough in their masculinity to wear traditional Scottish garb on William Wallace Day."

Morgan rolled his eyes back at her as Reid's face lit up, "you know what day it is?"

She started digging in her bag, "of course, and I bought you a present in honor of your heritage."

A split second later . . . with a flourish . . . she pulled out a red box of butter cookies from the depths of her purse.

"Here you go." She quirked her lip up, "I figured it would travel better than haggis."

Reid accepted the cookies with a grin, "thanks Em." He looked up, "I was just going to go get some coffee, you want me to get you a cup and we can break open the cookies for breakfast."

Emily started to chuckle as she went over to her desk. "That sounds great Spencer," she said as she pulled out her chair, "thanks."

And still laughing to herself, she watched Reid walk out with his pom poms flopping in the breeze. Then she looked up to see Morgan eyeing her suspiciously. Her eyebrow went up.

"What?"

He furrowed his brow, "did you really know it was William Wallace Day?"

"Of course," she huffed indignantly. Then she grinned, "well, I did after Hotch got the call from Reid last night asking if he could wear his kilt to work."

Shaking his head at her, Morgan turned back to his paperwork.

Emily scowled as she looked down at her desk to find something to throw at Derek's head. There . . . that elastic will do nicely. She shot it over the partition hitting him on the forehead.

"You be nice to him today," she commanded as his head snapped back, "he looks adorable."

With one hand rubbing the sore spot on his forehead Morgan, looked over at Emily in exasperation.

"I JUST got the boy out of those damn sweater vests and you want to go dress him up in a skirt."

The woman was NO help to him at all!

"It's not a skirt Morgan," Emily rolled her eyes, "it's a kilt. For God's sake men have fought BATTLES in them for centuries!" Then she scowled, "and besides there's nothing wrong with wearing skirts either. I once tackled a perp out in Chicago wearing a lovely A line."

Derek knew better than to comment on that one, so he turned his attention back to his paperwork.

A few minutes later, he looked up as he heard Reid come back to their desks. First he put a coffee cup down on Emily's desk, and then one on his own. And then . . . holding a third cup . . . he looked over at Morgan.

As Derek reached his hand out to take it, Reid pulled it back triumphantly.

"No, it's not for you. I bought it for Hotch as a thank you. So there."

Emily started laughing and Derek snapped his jaw shut.

"Yeah," he replied in a monotone, "good one. you really nailed me there kid."

Reid just shot Derek a look of satisfaction. He knew he'd caused him some momentary annoyance, and that was enough for him. So with that, he turned to head up the stairs to Hotch's office, pausing at the top to knock on the open door.

"Hotch."

Hotch looked up, and quickly had to school his features as he saw Reid standing in his doorway. He was wearing the kilt that he'd called last night for permission to wear to the office. He had to hand it to the kid, he didn't know too many guys who'd have the balls to wear something like that to work.

Especially _their_ work.

He tipped is head in admiration. "That is a very traditional outfit Spencer."

"Thanks sir," Reid said with a little smile as he walked closer. Then he put the Styrofoam cup down on his desk.

"I bought you a coffee as a thanks for letting me wear it."

Hotch's expression softened as he looked down at the cup and then back up to Reid's happy face.

"You're welcome." Then his expression hardened, "is Derek giving you a hard time?"

As he thought for a second, Reid tilted his head to the side. "A little bit but not too bad. Emily gave him some crap and he hasn't really said anything to me since."

Hotch's eyes crinkled slightly . . . that's my girl. Then he nodded. "Well you let me know if you have any trouble with anyone else."

Reid's lips twitched as he nodded back, "thanks Hotch."

He couldn't really go running to his boss if people were mean to him, he'd kind of deserve to get his ass kicked if he did, but it was nice of him to offer.

He turned to go, but then paused as he heard Hotch clear his throat.

"Oh and Reid, you might want to stay out of the quad today. I heard it's supposed to be quite windy."

Reid turned back with his lip quirked up.

"Thanks for the heads up sir."

* * *

_A/N 2: There really is a William Wallace day in late August._


	6. Inigo Montoya Said It Best

**Author's Note**: This takes place that same night Reid wore his kilt.

* * *

**Prompt Set #1**

Show: Entourage

Title Challenge: The Blue Balls Lagoon

* * *

**Inigo Montoya Said It Best**

Rossi squinted at the motorist standing next to the disabled car up ahead of him.

Was that . . . it was . . . Reid.

He huffed . . . in his kilt. Dave had been teaching over at the Academy all day so he hadn't seen it for himself. But Hotch had mentioned it to him when he got back to office. And at that point Reid had already left for the day.

Looks like he didn't get far though.

Hitting his directional, Rossi pulled off to the side of the road. Then he rolled down his window.

"Spencer!" He called out.

Reid spun around at the sound of Dave's voice.

Oh thank God!

He hurried over to the driver's side window, "Dave!"

Rossi peered out his front window as he asked rhetorically.

"Car trouble?"

"Yeah," Reid nodded vehemently as he rubbing his hands up and down his arms, "I called Triple AAA, but they said they're going to be a little while. And I uh, sorta, uh . . . kind of locked myself out of the car."

This was so embarrassing. The only thing worse than Dave coming along right now would have been Derek. But he was getting desperate, he was freezing.

Lips twitching, Dave's gaze dropped down to Reid's bare legs and the skirt flapping around them.

It had been an incredibly hot and muggy day and they were due for major thunderstorms. The temperature had already dropped and the wind had picked up.

The sky was probably going to open up any minute.

So raising his eyebrow, Rossi looked back up to Reid's face.

"So did you want to stand here on the side of the road freezing your ass off, or would you like to get in and wait?"

Reid's eyes crinkled at Dave's usually soft hearted approach.

"I'd like to get in please."

As he hurried around the front of the car to get in on the passenger side, Dave tipped his head. And once he'd dropped into the front seat he shivered.

"Brrr!"

And then . . . seeing Dave looking at his bare legs . . . he turned to him a little warily.

"Are you going to make fun of my kilt too?"

"Nope," Dave shook his head firmly, "Never make fun of a man's heritage."

He'd heard from Hotch and Emily that Reid had taken quite a bit of ribbing today already. The kid had some serious guts showing up dressed like that. He might not always be the most 'socially astute' of the group, but he still had to have known he was going to take some crap.

Reid smiled, "thanks Dave."

Rossi's eyes crinkled slightly as he looked him over appraisingly.

"It must be pretty chilly though."

Reid shook his head, "man, you have no idea. My balls are blue!"

Stunned, Rossi stared at him for a moment before he burst out laughing.

"Kid," he chuckled, "uh, that phrase doesn't mean what you think it means."

Wrinkling his brow in confusion, Spencer looked across the front seat.

"It doesn't? But if your hands are blue it means their cold."

Damn. He hated when he got colloquial expressions wrong. That just made him look like a bigger geek.

Wiping the tears away from his eyes, Dave tipped his head as he looked back over in amusement.

"That is true." He cleared his throat, "but trust me, if your balls were blue, you would _not_ be allowed to sit on my new leather seats."

Now utterly perplexed, Reid stared back at him, "well what does that phrase mean?"

Rossi's eyes dropped back down to Spencer's bare legs.

"Uh," he shook his head slightly, "how about we have that conversation tomorrow when you have pants on?"

He knew Spencer got easily embarrassed, and he was NOT going to be the one to tell him the origins of that phrase.

With a scrunch of his brow, Spencer looked down at his legs and then over at Dave's bemused expression. He shook his head in confusion.

"I don't understand."

Damn . . . Rossi bit his lip . . . the kid wasn't taking no for an answer. So he stared at him for a moment, trying to think of a solution to this problem he did not want to deal with. And then a thought popped into his head.

He put his finger up.

"One second."

/*/*/*/*/*/

Emily looked down at her phone vibrating on her hip. Hotch glanced over.

"What is it?"

Furrowing her brow, she flipped it open.

"Um, text from Rossi . . . it says, hold on . . . '_tell Hotch I said ha!_'"

Frowning, she looked across the front seat.

"Honey, what does that mean?"

Hotch shrugged, "I have no idea," he said as he hit the directional and looking over his shoulder to change lanes.

And he was just about to tell Emily to write back, when his own phone began to ring. When he glanced down he saw that it was Spencer. So he passed the phone over to Emily.

"Reid. Can you talk to him please?"

They were coming up to their exit and he needed to pay attention to the road.

Emily put it to her ear with a smile, "hi Spencer. What's up?"

"Hey, Em. Is Hotch there?"

"Yeah, we're in the car, but we're coming up to the exit. Is there something that I could help you with?"

Reid bit his lip, "well, I don't know. Dave told me to call and ask Hotch what blue balls are. You don't happen to know do you?"

As he lips began to twitch, Emily pulled the phone away from her ear. Then she held it out for Hotch.

"Um, it's for you."

* * *

_A/N 2: The title. Inigo Montoya is of course Mandy Patinkin's character from The Princess Bride. And one of his best quotes from that was: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means, what you think it means."_

_I may get some additional Reid centered ideas so I'm leaving this story open for now.  
_


End file.
